“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4)
In the time we live in, living together before marriage is becoming more and more common in many parts of the world. A couple of generations ago such practices were virtually inconceivable. However, in recent years we have seen a spiritual decay, both in individuals and in churches all over the world, where cohabitation, homosexual unions and of course divorce and remarriage have become more and more accepted.
Living together before marriage has become widely accepted. What does God's Word say about it? The world is constantly evolving, and many changes in society are necessary, because we as human beings are not perfect. For the same reason, much “development” goes in completely the wrong direction.
Developments in the world constantly go further in the direction of fornication and sin. It turns out that the religious community is unable to stop this development. On the contrary, we see that as sin becomes more and more widespread and widely accepted, resistance decreases, even among those who call themselves Christians and who should be enforcing God’s Word. What was called sin only a few years ago, is today termed as love. It is when the light from heaven is extinguished that people with unclean spirits can find peace in the congregation. Such an assembly is without power and blessing and the seeking soul cannot find help.
God’s Word, however, is perfect, and never changes. Sin remains sin, even when it becomes widely accepted. The Bible is clear: living together is sexual immorality. As Christians, we also have to think about what marriage represents (Ephesians 5:25-33).
The Bible is very clear in what it says about sexual immorality. According to what Jesus said and Paul wrote, marriage between a man and a woman is the only form of partnership that God accepts and blesses. All sexual relationships outside marriage are considered fornication.
“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4). In other words, there is nothing unclean about sexual relations within marriage, but there is judgment for those engaged in fornication outside marriage. Consequently, this also includes cohabitation, i.e. people living together as a couple, without being married. Such conditions are clearly described here as fornication and adultery, even if you’ve never been married before.
Living together before marriage is becoming increasingly common, even among Christian couples and for a number of reasons. Before making a lifelong commitment, many couples want a “trial period” to feel out how they both live, and know if taking the relationship to the next level makes sense. Many Christians are adopting the beliefs and practices of the world, and this can be problematic for a number of reasons.
The Bible makes no clear claim that living together before or outside of marriage is living in sin. Given this, many Christians believe that living together before marriage is not living in sin. While there is truth concerning there being no clear claim against it, one of the reasons why an answer to this question isn’t explicitly stated in the Bible is because two unmarried people living together before marriage who planned on being husband and wife was rare.
It is also important that we put “living together” in context. Living together including being in the same space using a husband and wife model, including sexual relations without being married. This is not the same as a man and woman living together in the same space without sexual relations. There is nothing wrong with a man and a woman living together as long as there is nothing immoral taking place. However, this too can be problematic if and when desire and temptation arise. The Bible tells us “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints” (Ephesians 5:3). As Christians, we are taught that it is important to break away from not immorality, and the temptation that comes with it. The Bible says “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). When we participate in any sexual relations outside of marriage, which includes premarital sex, it is a form of fornication which the Bible defines as sexual sin.
Another issue with Christians living together before marriage has to do with commitment. Marriage is an up-front commitment. In the book of Genesis we are told that a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). The Book of Mark also touches on this concept of a man and woman coming together as husband and wife as one flesh. “And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh (Mark 10:8). When you are living together and unmarried, there is not the same up-front commitment that you would have with marriage. If a man and a woman aren’t able to share their life together as one flesh in a relationship that is honorable to God, there is not a foundation of trust, and while many will argue that you don’t need a document to define your commitment to someone, thinking that you can be committed to someone without a public profession of marriage is unrealistic.
Cohabitation, an arrangement where two people who are not married are living together, puts men in the driver’s seat and women at risk, with little leverage in the relationship. In this situation, the man gets what they want in terms of sex and companionship without giving what they fear, and that is commitment. While this take may be a bit broad, it does touch on an important truth. Men long for companionship and a sexual partner and will commit to a marriage when they are ready or desire a particular woman. Women often find themselves with little leverage when they are just living with a man because they are giving themselves without the commitment they would have in marriage. A woman may lose the man she’s living with if he has no interest in commitment.
In a living together before marriage scenario, both people have physical access to each other, without an emotional or spiritual commitment. Instead of just seeing how things work out in a living together situation, God wants us to be emotionally and spiritually committed to the man or the woman we are investing our time in, and many times, this level of commitment is absent from these situations. So many relationships don’t work out because there is no firm foundation. Physical commitment turns into nothing more than selfish gratification of the flesh.
Marriage is one of the biggest steps you will ever take in life. Move in with someone who you are ready to be fully committed, and in union with God with them in marriage. Don't listen to the pressures of the world. Nothing is wrong with waiting to live together until marriage. If there are any hesitations related to trust and commitment, it may be time to reevaluate where you are in the relationship.
There are numerous Scriptures that declare God’s prohibition of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; I Corinthians 5:1; 6:13,18; 10:8; II Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; I Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Greek word translated “sexual immorality” or “fornication” in these verses is porneia, and it means literally “unlawful lust.” Since the only form of lawful sexuality is the marriage of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5), then anything outside of marriage, whether it is adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, or anything else, is unlawful, in other words, sin. Living together before marriage definitely falls into the category of fornication—sexual sin.
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